Best Fit Life

I recently spent a wonderful weekend visiting my brother and his family in Chicago.  It is such a beautiful city – great architecture, very walkable, full of activity and friendly people.  I can see why they love living there as it fits their personalities, interests, wants and many of their needs.

For all its virtues, Chicago is not a good fit for me and my husband.  The Triangle in NC, where I am grateful to make my home, is!  Every day as I drive around town I gaze at my surroundings and am so appreciative of where I am.

It is no accident. For as many of you know, my husband and I spent many hours contemplating where in the country we wanted to live, what type of community we wanted to live in and much more.  We went exploring and found it right here!

There is something about seeing and experiencing a different place – a contrast – that brings out the intensity of what I already have and just how much it means to me – how much it fits me!

When have you experienced such a contrast that made you realize what you have and where you are is your best fit?

My Focus

My current article  talks about where we place our focus and  attention (most of the time), so I thought I would share mine.

First, I want to start with where my focus used to be most of the time – worry.  I would worry about everything, big things, small things – you name it I would worry about it.  Then one day I heard a powerful quote that made me realize just how much attention I was paying to worry. It was said by Mark Twain and went something like this “I have lived a long life and had many troubles, most of which never actually happened”!

That day I began my shift from focusing on the worry (most often about the future) to focusing on what was happening at that very moment (present).  If it is something good or great, I now focus on how grateful I am for it or how much I like/love/appreciate it.  If it is something not-so-great, I focus on what I can do about it (solution).

Do I still worry?  Yes.  The biggest difference is that worrying now only takes some of my attention and focus, some of the time.  NOT most of it.

What about you?

Wants vs Shoulds

How do you tell the difference between a want and a should?  I posted this question on Facebook and received the following answers:

  • “When you reach your “should”, you only arrived because it’s what was expected, and you may be content with that. But, when you reach your “want”, it’s much more rewarding when you’ve arrived. There may be more obstacles, but it’s much more rewarding.”
  • “A want is more of a desire where a should comes with doubt”.
  • “A well established therapist once said to me (in conversation): “shoulds” are sh-t.”

To me, shoulds are those thoughts we have that often pertain to something we do not really want to do, but somewhere we feel we need to or have to.  They often stem from beliefs we have about what is “right” for ourselves, others and the world; as well as expectations from others. 

Wants, on the other hand come from deeper desires, from something that inspires or pulls us.  When we truly want something, as one of the comments indicated above, we will often go to greater lengths to achieve it.  Whereas when something is a should, we may keep it on the back burner for a long time…

An example of a want?  A friend of mine just had triplets after spending 8 weeks in the hospital on bed rest at the end of her pregnancy.  Was it difficult?  Yes!  What kept her going and feeling positive this whole time?  Her deep want to have a family!

How do you tell the difference betweeh your wants and shoulds?