It’s “Normal”

While I do not usually use the word “normal” (is there truly such a thing?) In this context I’m using it to describe what is often seen or patterns I notice in the many clients I have served over the years.

When going through a transition of any kind (especially one the will take you out of your comfort zone), our minds bring up lots of juicy messages like

I don’t have….
I’m too old….
I can’t….
What if……

I often refer to Transition as a roller coaster ride.
Some moments you are more clear, focused, taking action
Some moments you are more confused, unfocused, taking no action
When my clients realize that their experience is a natural (“normal”) part of the rhythms of transition it seems to take some of the edge/pressure off. They can then let go of the chatter in their head that sounds like:

Why is this happening?
What’s wrong with me?
This must mean…

With an already emotional experience of transition, any amount lifted can be beneficial.

The roller coaster of transition can sound like:

UP – I’m feeling more clear about my direction and goals
DOWN – I’m more confused than I was yesterday

UP – I’m feeling exited about this new idea I am considering
DOWN – Just when I started getting excited about this idea, I started thinking ….. and it deflated me

UP – I’m experiencing great progress with….
DOWN – This will be too hard

UP – I’ve built some great momentum around….
DOWN – Why am I not/ I did not do my homework – what I said I would

So you see, this “ride” of transition is a “normal” part of the process of change you are choosing to take. Rest assured that you are not alone!

When you can learn to enjoy the ride, and embrace the waves of excitement and terror you may feel along the way, your experience can be quite exhilirating!

Absolute YES

 

To me, Absolute YES is when you jump in, choose something, make a commitment with no doubt or hesitation.

This could be about a purchase you are making (as small as a new outfit or as large as a new house) to a decision you are making (as small as what you are having for lunch or as large as a new job).

How do you know something is an absolute yes?

Sometimes it is a gut feeling

You “just know” it is right from somewhere deep within

Sometimes it “checks all the boxes”

It fits the criteria you had in mind

How can you use this when making a big career choice/deciding on a new job?

Ask yourself

“what would make me say Absolutely YES to this?”

When you answer that question, it may sound something like

“I would say absolutely YES if….

  • I could have…..
  • I could do……..
  • I would be……….
  • It felt like………….

When you create this narrative/list in answering this question, it shows you, with clarity, what you truly want.

It goes beyond what is on the surface (If I was paid X or if there is flexibility) to deeper criteria that really matters. Remember, we are not talking about what would just be nice, or good – we are talking about what would make you say Absolutely YES, with no doubt, no guilt, no remorse.

Can there be fear present with an Absolute Yes?   In my option, yes, there can be.

How is that so?

Fear does not always stop.

How often does fear act as a driver for you? It may feel like excitement – “wow, I can’t believe I’m doing this but I am” or “this seems crazy but right at the same time”

Absolute Yes’s are not always logical

They do not always look perfect on paper, yet there is something there that allows your full body and mind to go for it – and that can seem scary at times.

What have been your Absolute Yes’s in your life and career?

Conscious Conversations

The spirit of the upcoming Coach Federation conference got me thinking about the conscious conversations we have…with ourselves.

To me, a conscious conversation is one where you sit down, with no distractions, and ask yourself some important questions that make you pause, focus and think deeply.

These questions bring up what you want your conscious mind to be curious about, unravel or understand.  These questions also tap into a deeper part of you – your intuitive mind, the part that is vulnerable.

Some examples of questions you can ask yourself

  • where am I holding back?
  • what am I ignoring?
  • what am I holding onto that no longer serves me?
  • how do I want to grow or expand?
How to have this conscious conversation with yourself
  • answer your questions truthfully and vulnerably
  • you can do this in your head, out loud or in writing
A client of mine had this type of conversation with himself and realized that a career path he was considering was on his list for the wrong reasons (for him).  His reasons were that he “could” do it (easier transition) and he “should” do it (more money).  When he realized this, he chose to let it go, to remove this option.  When he did that, it felt as if a big weight was lifted.  That allowed him to shift his focus to the career paths he felt were more aligned with what he truly wants in his life right now.
Notice what shifts for you when you have these types of conversations with yourself.

Are you having new insights, greater clarity, some relief?